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| Ok so whatever I wrote in my last blog well things have yet again changed. After I ended things with jen I saw her that sunday at this thing called vertical fest. I somehow ended up hanging out with her and another girl. Well that was where I should have stayed away. I should have just run away not literally but I should have let things alone. Jen and I ended up talking again and I told her that I didn't really want to end our friendship. That was a mistake because of course we have yet again hit another bump in our friendship. I think this is a neverending things for us. I keep wondering when things are actually going to change whether they actually will or not. I mean I thought so many times that our friendship would change. Everytime we have restarted our friendship I have thought okay this time it's going to be different. But the things is it never is different. The same thing always happens. We somehow end up in another fight and we just don't talk about the problems we have. We have never talked about the problems we have had. I think maybe that is one of the reason I haven't let the friendship go or one of the reasons why I can't let the fact that we are no longer friends go. I don't know maybe I would feel better if we were able to talk about things. Maybe we wouldn't start our friendship and I don't know maybe it wouldn't bother me so much because we had talked about things. For some reason I don't think that I'm going to get that chance to talk to her. Not how I want to and I guess now I just have to learn to accept that. I just really want to sit down with her one day and just say. Jen what happened to us. How did we get to this point in our friendship. But I don't think I will and that is something that I need to learn to accept. | | |
| ok so things between jen and I seem to finally be over and I hope that it will stay that way. I could never tell where we stood and we always did something to make the other mad so this is for the better. I didn't want it to end this way but we can't choose how we want everything to end. I'm going to miss that friendship, but I have learned a lot from it. Like even if a friend says something about you don't turn around and talk about them behind peoples back even if what your saying may be the truth. Because that can get you in trouble and really it's not the right thing to do. I also learned that you shouldn't depend on having a person as a friend. I don't know why but jen's friendship meant a lot to me. I really think that God used that to show me that I need to depend on him more than my friends because he is the only one who can help me and will always be there for me no matter how much I screw up. I am going to miss being friends with jen, and I did/do truly care about her but this is the way it seems to be going and i'm not going to try to change that. If God wants things to turn out differently between us then that is going to be His will and not mine. I don't have the power to do anything only God does. I also seemed to obsess over the things that happened between Jen and I and now I don't want to anymore. So Jen if you happen to read this then I'm sorry for how I have acted when it comes to certain things. That was not the way to act. | | |
| Ok so yeah this is the first time I updated in....well...quite awhile. I keep saying that I'm going to keep up with my xanga and then I never do. I will try and get better at that but once school starts I'm probably going to be really busy so I don't know how often i'm going to be able to get online. I just got my schedule for school today and it's really busy. So i'll have the stress of school, looking at colleges, and work to deal with this year. But it probably won't be to bad. I just have to not get senioritus. That would be bad. But so yeah school starts on monday for me. Wahoo. I'm hoping that this year is better than last year. Lastyear I had a couple of problems with one of my friends. Well hopefully this year thingswill get better, and not be stressful. My friend and I are actually acknowledgeing each other now and we kinda talk. So as long as I don't do anything really stupid to make her mad at me then I'm good. Actually she seems to be having a hard time with her best friend and I don't know I feel kinda bad for her. I'm trying to be nice to her and still talk to her. I think her and I are still friends. I don't know we started are friendship and ended it so many times since January it's crazy. So I really hope things are going to be better for her this year. Who knows | | |
| Ok... so yeah yet agian I haven't updated in awhile. Right now i'm at one of my friends house's celebrating her birthday with her and a couple of her friends. The only bad thing is I don't really socialize that well with people that I don't know. Like I do I guess but not when I get this really bad vibe from half the people I'm hanging out with. I feel like half her friends don't like me so it's really kinda weird. I would just go home but then I would feel really bad. Ahh.... oh well I guess I can't really do anything about it right now. It's just kinda weird that's all. Oh well. | | |
| Ok.....so yet again it's another blog about me and my friend(jen). I'm really confused now. When jen and I first became friends things were great between us. We both trusted each other and we didn't have any problems. Those were the good days. Starting in March though we started having problems. We ended up getting into a fight in may and ended are frienship and that really hurt. Well about a week and a half after that she started yelling at me again and she said she was blocking me from everything. At the time it really hurt hear her saying this even though she had ended are friendship. Well the same day she sent me and IM and said she was sorry about the things she said and that she was sorry that she was pushing me away when I needed her. She basically was telling me everything that I wanted to hear. She then suggested that we restart are friendship and have Christ at the center of it and I completly agreed. So I thought things would get better between us, and for awhile they did. But then we stopped talking again and when we did IM each other we always took what the other said the wrong way. Which tended to cause more problems. Well a couple weeks ago on June 16 so actually almost a month ago we got into another fight. This one was the worst yet because it ended with her blocking me from everything( msn, yahoo, aim etc.), reporting me for spam on yahoo and threatened to call the cops on me for harassment. I never tried to harass her. She told me she was busy and I sent her a couple of IM's to read and think about. I finally made her mad. So I guess I could see how she thought I was harassing her but I seriosly wasn't. Like before she said she was busy I had asked her " are we ever going to get past things between us like us not talking or taking what the other says over IM the wrong way" then she said she was busy. I just was wondering if she trusted me when it came to are friendship. We ended up in this whole fight and I thought things were done for good between us. Until about a week later she starts talking to me again. And it really confused me because I didn't think she was talking to me anymore. I told her I thought it would be better for both of us if we weren't friends anymore but she said no we should be friends but we should set boundaries. I told her I didn't think we could be friends and then I told her that her best friend told me to leave her alone. So I guess I kinda ended it. Well at youth the next night we were spending quiet time with God and I came to the verse about how love is patient and kind. And as I was reading it I reallized that how I treated jen wasn't right. Even after she scared me by saying she was calling the cops on me. Well then I told a friend of jen and me somewhat what happened and she told me that I needed to learn self control. That I needed to learn when to ask question and then to leave people alone when they said they were busy. I called jen later to apologize and I never heard back. So I figured we weren't talking anymore, until last thursday when I ended up having lunch with her church group and my youth group. That was wierd. We really didn't talk and then that night she started to talk to me and it was just very weird. I'm so confused on what I should do. Should I try to continue the friendship even though my mom doesn't want me to talk to jen, or should I just end the friendship so we don't have these problems anymore, and was I wrong to send her an im to think about after she said she was busy? should I respect her best friends wishes and Stay away? Comments would be very appreciated. | | |
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